Tuesday, June 30, 2009

Keep My Puffy Pants in Storage



No need to worry about losing me to Hollywood...yet. Last week's episode of Hammertime on A&E was in fact about The MC Hammer/Vanilla Ice show in Provo. However, I was not featured on the show. (I watched it twice to make sure.)

It was weird, but cool to watch a filmed version of a show I saw in real life. (I don't remember it being as spectacular as the TV edits made it out to be.) Watch the full episode here. It's episode #3.

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Sunday, March 22, 2009

Check out the Hook

I promised I was done writing about Vanilla Ice, but then I ran into this album. Spoiler alert: It contains four versions of "Ice, Ice Baby."

Vanilla Ice
Ice is Back: Hip Hop Classics

There may be a time in your life when you feel inclined to listen to hip hop hits from the time immediately predating gangsta rap. When this happens, it’d be nice to have just one place to turn to hear “Baby Got Back,” “Fight the Power,” and “Jump Around.” Well, that ultimate collection has finally arrived—the only problem is that it happens to be a covers album by Vanilla Ice.

If Vanilla Ice wants to do an album of covers, that’s all fine and good. And it makes sense that he would want to pay tribute to artists who inspired him (EPMD, Public Enemy, The Gap Band) or even those who were his chronological contemporaries (Sir Mix a Lot, House of Pain).

The problem is that the execution is so poor. While some tracks would fit in nicely during a live performance with his rock/rap band (“Jump Around,” “Insane in the Brain”), they are absolutely lifeless on record. Ice’s delivery is flat on every track, including an updated version of “Ice, Ice Baby” (which now credits Queen and David Bowie as song writers).

Ice deserves a bit of credit for at least giving the songs a little remix treatment. He infuses “I Got it Made” with electrosynths, and replaces the bagpipes on “Jump Around” with distorted guitars. Unfortunately, these adaptations lack any of the engaging nuances of the originals. Strangely, the best song on the collection is neither a hip hop song, nor a song that should really be sung by a white guy, Bob Marley’s “Buffalo Soldier.”

Buffalo Soldier - Vanilla Ice

For fans of: Korn, Limp Bizkit
Rating: 1.5 of 4

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Sunday, March 01, 2009

If You Got a Problem, Yo, I'll Solve It...






I have spent entirely too much time thinking about Vanilla Ice over the past few weeks. I did the interview, went to the show, wrote the review, and dreamed about him last night. Ugh. But before I allow myself to think about something else (probably the upcoming Boyz II Men concert in Wendover), here's just a few additional notes from the show.
  • The show itself was only 'meh.' I think Vanilla Ice forgot it was supposed to be a '90s show. It would have been a lot cooler if all he did was come out and rap over a recording of "To The Extreme." Sure, it would have been even better if he would have done the Running Man, but that's probably too much to ask for.
  • MC Hammer finished his set, predictably, with "U Can't Touch This." He then came out for an encore, but everyone had gone home. (It was already past 1 a.m. and he'd already played all three of his hits. Why stick around?)
  • Because the place was empty and we had press passes, we were among just a handful of folks hanging out backstage at the end of the show. I talked to Vanilla for a second (he was as nice in person as he was on the phone) and Hammer was polite enough to pose while I took a picture of him with Rich and all his friends.
  • We were in the "meet and greet" room at about 1:30 a.m. Right before the artists were scheduled to come in, one of the show folks said that those with just Media Passes (which is what we had) would have to leave because the All Access pass folks had paid to be there. One girl said she had paid $200 for the chance to meet Vanilla Ice. Why?
  • The best get-ups of the night were the handful of skinny white kids who showed up wearing gold or silver glittery Hammer pants and no shirts.
  • The worst part of the event was the tagline, "Dress '80s." Uh, these guys were popular in the '90s,
  • After being baffled by who was actually putting on the show, I found out it was a guy who I worked with at LoveSac--Sac Man. Yes, he worked as the LoveSac mascot.
  • I got home around 2:15 a.m. Thus making it my latest night out in, I don't know, seven years?
I'm going to bed now. Hopefully I won't have to dream about Vanilla Ice anymore and I got back to dreaming about being forced to go another mission, like I dream every Thursday after stake correlation meeting.

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Ring the Bell…School’s In, Sucker/Yo Vanilla, Kick it One (More) Time, Boyyy

MC Hammer/Vanilla Ice

McKay Events Center
February 27

MC Hammer and Vanilla Ice. Together again. The best part of the one-night-only event was not having any idea what was going to happen. Would it be great? Would it be awful? Would it matter?

I headed down to the show with my buddy Rich. Of course he’d prepared a mix for the 30 minute trip from Salt Lake to Orem, consisting of tracks from both MC Hammer and Vanilla Ice’s greatest hits albums—he’d downloaded them the night before. He said he’d also watched the “2 Legit to Quit” video about a dozen times in the last 24 hours and was thoroughly convinced that MC Hammer was, in fact, “blessed with two hype feet.”

Rich’s excitement was palpable. This struck me as curious, seeing that he is only 26 (which would have made him seven when “Ice, Ice Baby” went #1). He had an explanation. “I remember playing kick the can or something on our street and hearing my friend say, ‘Slice like a ninja, cut like a razorblade.’ It was the coolest thing I had ever heard.”And that’s when he became a Vanilla Ice fan for life.

I would guess the majority of the 8,000+ people in attendance (most of which were in the 18-22 range) were also trying to grab a hold of some sort of intangible nostalgia. Or maybe they were intrigued by the novelty of two one-time pop icons sharing the stage together for the first time in nearly two decades. Maybe they just wanted an excuse to wear neon t-shirts and makeshift Hammer pants.

Go White Boy, Go

By the time Vanilla began his set, the crowd had already been waiting for three hours. The second Mr. Van Winkle entered the stage (through a 10-foot blowup Grim Reaper) and began spewing lyrics, the delay was immediately forgotten.

Backed by a drummer, DJ, and a dancer dressed in a Santa Costume and clown mask, the Ice Man began his set one of his newer tracks. Enormous applause. He moved on to another new track. Applause. When he began the third new (a.k.a virtually unknown) song, the crowd’s goodwill had just about run out.

And that’s when he finally took it back to the old school. When he shouted the lyrics to “Ice, Ice Baby,” it was like he was being backed by a 7,000 person choir. (Take that, Mo’ Tab!) He invited Hammer on stage to smile and wave during “Play that Funky Music White Boy” and then rocked through “The Ninja Rap” and “Stop that Train.”

For Vanilla Ice, this show wasn’t some grand comeback and it certainly wasn’t 1990. It was pretty much his average 2009 rock show, with loose interpretations of a few old songs thrown in. But he had a great time, the crowd had a great time and we all got to yell “Go ninja, go ninja, go ninja, GO!” together. What more could we ask for?

Turn This Mutha Out

Hammer’s approach was the complete opposite. It was tight and it was all business. The only piece of equipment on stage was his microphone; he and his posse needed the space to do what they do best—dance. Hammer’s still got the moves and, most importantly, the pants.

While Ice’s performance was about emotion, Hammer’s was about entertainment. The former rapper/current Christian minister pop-‘n-locked his way through all of his greatest hits, each with its own choreographed dance. (One of the dozen or so teenage dancers was his 14-year-old son, who certainly inherited his dad’s skills.) Hammer used his soundtrack hit, “Addam’s Family Groove” to let each dancer show off their solo skills. While this was cool, with the huge age between artist and dancer, it felt like it should have been called “The Hammer & Kids Show.”

The highlights were obvious: doing the “2 Legit” hand gestures, singing along to “You got to pray just to make it today” and watching Hammer do the typewriter with 200 fans shoved onto the stage with him. When it comes to performers, Hammer is the real deal.

Was this a great show, musically? Heavens no. Was it one for the memory book? Hell yes.

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Thursday, February 19, 2009

Hi, This is Rob Van Winkle


Everyone I told about my upcoming Vanilla Ice interview had a question they thought I should ask. Most of them had to do with him ripping off David Bowie's Under Pressure for Ice, Ice Baby or him signing the rights away to his big hit after Suge Knight hung him over the edge of a balcony.

Nope. I was scared to death of talking to Vanilla Ice, both because I was nervous and because he seemed like the kind of guy who could get angry very easily--especially about his past. I was going to stick to the easy stuff. Which I did.

It turns out I didn't have any need to worry. Mr. Van Winkle was incredibly pleasant, excitable, and great to talk to. He cursed like a sailor, called me "bro," and said plenty of hilarious things. If you don't want to listen to the full interview (below) or wait for my article to come out next week, here were some of my favorite quotes.

About agreeing to play the old stuff: "There's no shame in my game anymore, bro."

About playing rock shows: "I entertain the sh** out of myself."

About the '90s: "I still love Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles."

He also motocrosses to Slipknot, makes sweet love to Marvin Gaye, and indulges in a little Kenny Chesney here and there. Word to your mother.

Vanilla Ice Interview 2/13/09 [WMA]

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